Time
by imeantsomethinglikethat
Summary: 'He sees her in the street one time. She's wearing yellow and he hears her laugh before he sees her figure approaching' Oneshot. Nick copes after Jess moves out of the loft.


**The idea for this story came to me last night so I thought I'd get it written as soon as I could before it went away. It's only short and it's a format I don't usually use so feel free to tell me if it's absolutely terrible as, like I said, it was wrote fairly quickly. As per, non of the characters are mine and New Girl does not belong to me and all that jazz. Enjoy!**

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**Time**

He comes home one day and he can feel that it's different. Things are missing, the loft looks empty. He knows the heart wrenching reality before he opens the door to her room- she's gone. He stands in the doorway for a while, stares at the empty room and the bare walls. It still smells like her, only with a new bitterness, and it leaves a stale taste in his mouth. His eyes search frantically for something- a note saying a final goodbye- but he knows it's not there. He's all too aware that he does not get a goodbye. He's been waiting for this day for some time now.

He thinks back to when it was all okay and they were both happy and he wonders how he ever managed to ruin it so completely. He remembers kissing her, having relaxing days on couch with her, watching her bake. Then he remembers the blinding insecurity he felt, the constant worry that he wasn't good enough, closing himself off, shouting at her, and he shudders as he remembers telling her that he wishes she had never moved in.

The memories become too much and he retreats to his room. He feels the watchful eyes of his roommates and he disregards them and shuts the door behind him. The warmth of his room feels like a sanctuary, but he struggles to breathe through the hollowness he is feeling in his chest. He knows this was bound to happen, yet the tears still sting his eyes and he feels himself switching off. He realises it won't do him any good in the long run, but it's the only thing he can do to cope with the crippling pain.

Schmitt and Winston try to coax him out of the loft as the weeks go on; sometimes even out of his room. Deep down they know it's pointless. He's lost, his eyes are permanently glazed over and they can tell he doesn't even hear a word they say. They give up soon enough, hope that in time he'll pull himself round; go back to normal. They don't think they've ever seen him this bad- seen him look this lost- and they're not sure what to do.

It occurs to him after a while that they haven't started looking for a new roommate. He reasons that his friends most likely think he couldn't handle it, and the truth is he probably can't. The door to her room is always shut, and he hasn't been in it since the day she left- he can't bear to look at the emptiness, not when it used to be so full of colour and life. He can't think about someone else living there, somebody else's things where her things should be- it would be wrong, and it would make the situation too real. He knows he couldn't cope with it, and his friends know he couldn't cope with it, and so the room stays empty, his last memories of her locked behind a closed door.

They still go to visit her, Schmitt and Winston. They come back with cupcakes and cookies that they try to hide from him before he sees. They don't want to look at the pain he tries to keep buried, the pain that becomes so much harder to hide when he faces things so intricately linked with her. He can tell they enjoy the visits, there's happiness in their eyes when they return and they wait until he retires to his room-where they think he can't hear- to discuss what a good time they had that night. It makes him ache that he can't join them in their discussions, and he feels physically sick when he thinks that it used to be him that she made that happy. Sometimes he sneaks from his room on a night to look at the treats they hide from him. He never eats them; he just looks at them with a sad look in his eyes before retreating to his room.

Months pass and slowly they think he's recovering. He showers regularly; he's going to work again. They think he's going back to his normal self, and sometimes he thinks he is too- he thinks he's doing fine, or at least he's coping. He's fine until he sees something that reminds him of her, or smells the exact fruit that she always liked for her shampoos, and it suddenly reminds him that the brave face he is putting on for the outside world is nothing more than a lie.

He starts going out again eventually. He's not sure he enjoys it exactly, but he feels like it's what he needs to do. He can see it relaxes Schmitt and Winston, seeing him trying to get back to normal, and he feels that it's the least he can do. He brings girls back sometimes- blondes, tall, often ones he finds particularly boring. He doesn't want to get to know them, he doesn't want a memory- he just wants to feel something other than pain. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, but he knows that he's trying, and he feels like that must count for something.

Schmitt and Winston come back from her house one day with looks of caution plastered across their faces. The room is tense and the air is thick and he knows immediately what they are about to tell him. They shift uncomfortably and tell him that she has a boyfriend. They tell him that she is happy, and he doesn't know if the hollowness he feels is because of the news or if it is just a permanent part of him now. He tries to feel angry or bitter or something other than emptiness but he can't- he finds himself staring into space for the rest of the night and when morning arrives he gets dressed and tries to pretend that the night never happened; that everything is fine.

He sees her in the street one time. She's wearing yellow and he hears her laugh before he sees her figure approaching. She's reached him before he can prepare himself and he tells her he has somewhere to be and rushes off quickly, trying not to look back at the sight of her standing in the light of the high sun. He thinks that she looks happy, and he's not sure if it makes the whole moment better or worse.

He's lost for a few days after that. He thinks that he sees her everywhere he goes- it's never really her- their hair is too short, their eyes too small, their smile not wide enough. Still, his heart can't rest and he feels a constant sweat on his palms. It subsides soon enough though- the pretty girls in pretty dresses become just faces in the crowd again and nothing more- and when he looks, really looks, he sees that they never really could compare to her anyway.

He meets someone in the bar and he thinks he likes her. Her hair is red and her skin lightly tan and she makes fun of his wardrobe full of plaid shirts. When he kisses her it's enjoyable, and it doesn't hurt, and mainly he thinks it's just nice not to be aching anymore. Winston and Schmitt seem to like her too, and they tell him as such, which makes him believe that maybe, just maybe, things can go back to normal. He knows he's been drifting, he can sense that they have been tense around him, and he thinks maybe it will be okay now. She comes around the loft to play True American, and they laugh and drink beers. She is happy around him, and she makes him smile, and gradually the constant ache in his heart he had thought was a permanent fixture begins to subside.

Schmitt invites Cece for Thanksgiving, and she asks him if she can bring Jess. She looks at him tentatively and he feels his pulse race but he tells her yes anyway. Maybe, he thinks, he will be able to get through the day just fine. She's wearing red when she turns up at the loft, red dress, red shoes, red lipstick. He sees her face turn to his, and he smiles lamely and gulps down the rest of his beer. He knows things will be okay if he can just get through dinner. She doesn't look at him much for the rest of the day; she casts her eyes purposefully away from him, so he knows she's nervous too. He passes her the potatoes during dinner and their hands touch for the first time in months- he doesn't cry out and that feels like a victory in itself, it's the small things after all. She doesn't stay too late and when everyone is hugging their goodbyes he says goodbye to her, and she replies that it was nice seeing him. He lays awake that night staring at the ceiling and over-analysing her words and when his girlfriend calls he presses ignore several times. He needs tonight to himself.

He sees her the next day, her red hair falling in waves past her shoulders and he remembers to breathe again. It takes him a few moments, but then she smiles and asks him if he's okay and suddenly he is. He thinks that if he's around her he'll be fine; he just needs to remember to breathe.

Schmitt and Winston come home one night, and their eyes are tired and they look unmistakably haggard. Winston shakes his head and walks to his room and Schmitt tells him that Jess' dad died last night. He feels something in the pit of his stomach and he knows he has never felt so helpless before. He stays up that night and watches infomercials and composes a lamely written letter saying how sorry he is and how he wishes he could do something to make it better. At five in the morning he scrunches it up, throws it away and grabs his car keys. It's in desperation that he heads to her apartment and knocks on her door- he feels sick to his stomach and this is the only thing he can think of to soothe it. When she finally opens the door her hair is matted and her eyes are red and swollen and he doesn't think he's ever seen her look so small. He shrugs his shoulders; says he doesn't know what he can do to help, but she starts to cry and he takes her into his arms without a second thought.

He stays there with her until morning, and there's a pain in his chest that comes from holding her so close- it's conflicting- and so when she falls asleep he slips out, taking the painstaking drive back to the loft. He knows they will never speak of it again- that it was just a one night thing- and he doesn't know if he's okay with that or not. The funeral is held a week later- he makes it to the church but can't bring himself to go inside. She sees him anyway and he doesn't do anything, just stares at her with a sad look on his face and turns away. He doesn't sleep for days afterwards.

His relationship ends shortly after that. He shuts down and she can't handle it. She tells him that he needs to open up and he can't bring himself to do it- he can't let go- so she leaves. He doesn't speak to her after that and strangely he's okay with it. The pain is still there, but he's learned to breathe without her. She was his red haired savior but he needs something more- and he _knows_ that she deserves more than what he can give her.

Winston gets a promotion at work and they hold a party at the loft to celebrate. He's been working towards it for months and he's ecstatic, he buys food and copious amounts of alcohol and invites everyone he knows. Nick's not surprised therefore when Jess turns up. Her dress is blue and it brings out her eyes, and he's more than aware than he's staring more than is acceptable. He stays away from her for most of the party, but he feels her eyes on him from time to time, and it exhilarates him in a way he hasn't felt in almost a year. He doesn't know if it's pathetic or not, but he knows at this moment in time he doesn't really care. When she's close by he hears her telling Winston that it didn't work out with her boyfriend and her eyes flicker to his as she says it. It's the first time he's held her gaze all night and he feels himself shudder slightly before taking a gulp of his beer and walking away. When the party is over she is the last to leave, and she walks cautiously up to him and tells him that she had a good time. His heart is beating so quickly he can barely breathe, but he manages to choke out that it was nice to see her, and when he smiles he thinks it's the most genuine smile he's done all year.

His mind and body settle down after that. Schmitt and Winston still go to visit her, and when they are leaving he asks them to tell her he says hello. Everything seems easier than before, and he feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest. They still come home with armfuls of cookies and cupcakes like before, and in spite of his progress, they still hide them in the kitchen. Now though, he finds himself coming out of his room on a night in need of sugar. He only ever takes a few of the sweet treats, but he knows it signifies progress.

Winston and Schmitt approach him a few months after and tell him they're thinking of looking for a new flat mate- someone to fill Jess' room- and surprisingly he finds that he's fine with it. They are about to put Ads on Craigslist when they get a phone call from Coach to say he's coming back, and within two weeks his stuff is loaded into Jess' room. Sometimes he's unsettled when he walks past the open door and sees the weights and gym clothes scattered around the room that used to be filled with flowers and art materials, but mostly he's actually at peace with it; he finds it's nice to have Coach back in the loft again.

They're sitting on the sofas drinking beers one time and Coach asks him what exactly it was that happened with him and Jess. His brain freezes over momentarily- he's not used to people asking about it- Winston and Schmitt usually shy away from the topic, but after a few moments he composes himself and tells him everything. Coach nods at the end of his story and tells him he knew from the moment she moved it that he would fall in love with her. He says he could tell from the way he looked at her. He wants to feel embarrassed by Coach's admission but he can't- deep down he always knew that he would fall in love with her too.

They throw a party to celebrate Coach's return. It's Schmitt's idea and it becomes a huge event in no time at all. There's people filling the loft and music blaring but he finds he still notices her when she walks through the door; red top, polka dot skirt, hair flowing in waves past her shoulders. He gravitates towards her unconsciously until he's only a few feet from her and she smiles nervously at him. They talk for a while about Coach's return and when they both pause timidly he goes to get her another drink. When he returns he asks her about her new job and she speaks animatedly, her eyes lighting up in a way that makes his pulse race. He catches Coach looking at them at one point, and he's giving them a knowing smile, his eyes warm.

When she asks him if she can see her old room, his legs almost give out underneath him, but he leads her down the corridor regardless, pushing the door open to Coach's room so she can step inside. She chuckles uncertainly and says that it's not as pretty as it used to be when she lived here, and he wholeheartedly agrees, but he's looking at her, not at the room. She looks at him then- _really_ looks at him- he can feel her eyes boring into his own, and she asks him how he's been the past year, how he's _really_ been. He pauses for a while, considers making a joke out of the situation, but he sees the sincere look on her face and his shoulders slump automatically. He tells her that he misses her every day, and that sometimes he's surprised that he manages to get up in the morning, and before he's had a chance to finish his sentence she moves towards him and kisses him. She tells him that she misses him too and he finds that he's clinging to her harder than he has to anything his entire life, he feels a desperate need in the pit of his stomach, but it's muddled with hope, and that's more than he's felt in a long time.

Things seem to move quickly after that. They've both missed out on a full year, and they find they're always impatient to be in each other's company. He takes her out on dates, and she spends evening upon evening at the loft with him. She doesn't move back in- she decides that she likes her own space away from the boys, and Winston and Schmitt know they like having Coach around the loft too much to let him move out again- but the bulk of her time is often spent on the sofas with her old flat mates, and they all relish in the feeling of familiarity it gives them.

He's getting ready for work one day when she comes to him with a worried look on her face. She tells him she's missed her period two months in a row, and that she's pregnant. He feels his jaw drop open comically but within a minute or two he has recovered and there's a warm feeling all over his body. He picks her up and spins her round and he knows he's never felt so happy in his entire life. He's aware that it'll be messy and harder than either of them is prepared for, but he's sure that she'll be an amazing mother, and he knows he'll try his hardest to ensure he's the best father he can be.

When Jess hits six months they move into their own place. It's harder than he thought it would be to move away from his best friends, but they hug and give him house-warming gifts of specialty cookware and cases of imported herbs and spices and Egyptian-Cotton bed spreads (he thinks the gifts were Schmitt's doing) and when they get to their new apartment he sees her stood in the middle of their living room, her hands placed protectively over her protruding stomach, and he knows that everything is going to be incredible.

Jess wakes up three months later with pains in her stomach, and he drives her in blind panic to the hospital as the contractions make her call out in pain. He rings everybody to tell them and they find him pacing the corridor when they arrive. He informs them that Jess has thrown him out of the delivery room for panicking too much and they calm him down by talking about how gorgeous their child is going to be, and how it's going to have the best parents in the world. Two hours later and they are all gathered around the hospital bed as Jess cradles their baby girl, and he thinks that she might just be the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, and that he may never breathe easily again. They call her Lily, and she's so much like Jess it actually terrifies him. He knows he's never going to be able to say no to her, and when her first word is Daddy it almost causes his heart to burst out of his chest.

They're lying in bed one morning when he asks her to marry him. He's been planning to do it for a while; he has a ring and he's been thinking of the picture-perfect place to propose for months, but he looks across at her and sees the sunlight hitting her face as she gazes up at him and he just asks her without a second thought. She says yes immediately, and he's leaning in to kiss her when he hears a little voice asking for him from the doorway. Lily climbs into their bed as he goes to retrieve the ring from his coat pocket, and when he lays back down with them, slipping the ring onto Jess' finger like it was the most natural thing in the world, he knows that his life is more perfect than he could have ever imagined, and as he looks across at his daughter and his future wife giggling with each other, his body feels contently warm all over, and he knows it's not because of the morning sun filtering in through the window.

**Fin.**


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